TDOF–Nov. 2

In order for forgiveness to happen, something has to die. If you make a choice to forgive, you have to face into the pain. You simply have to hurt. – Brene Brown

Thirty Days of Forgiveness, as explained by my post on Oct. 27th, is no longer a practice in identifying people to forgive (including myself). It is now a practice in asking and answering these questions:

  • What must die in order for me to forgive Them + Me? Expectations? Victimhood? Dreams/demands? Blame? The way it is supposed to be? The need to be right? Awesome stories of how I was wronged? Awesome stories of how I screwed up?
  • If to forgive is to love, am I ready to love Them + Me? I mean really, there are some people/things we have no interest in loving—ever! Am I right? You know I’m right. I know I’m right.
  • What pain must I face in order for me to forgive Them + Me? I’m sure the first question will fill in that blank easily enough.
  • Am I willing to write publicly about it?

So today,

What must die?

The belief that my body was ever supposed to look like anyone else’s. The belief that it was ever possible for my body to look like anyone else’s.

Can I love the custom design of me?

Yes. But this will have to be a practice. A daily practice. I know going in that it includes a radical act of rebellion against today’s feminine social imperative of “hate your body and punish it for being unique. Beat it, starve it, hack and carve at it until it conforms to the shape and size you’ve been told is preferable.”

Photo Nov 01, 2 02 33 PM

It will require being brave enough to say I have no physical flaws. I have nothing that needs to be changed. I am, in fact, perfectly designed. This would be the essence of forgiveness; to cease the comparison and contrast and live freely and peacefully as a one-of-a-kind human being against whom there is no comparison. If I can also say in truth that I am physically well-maintained then I have no need to seek perpetual approval or validation.

 What pain must I face?

That no one forced me into self-abuse; I volunteered for it. That I tortured myself emotionally and physically over something I should have known was impossible. That I wasted years of my life yearning for a miracle cure for the disease of being Me. That I was/am way too smart to do something so stupid yet I did it anyway and did it over and over again.

Can I own this publicly?


Rumbling on.

One Comment Add yours

  1. mishedup says:

    It’s hard to forgive those who set up this design, but I think that’s part of it too. The countless women ahead of you who bought into the way our bodies should be, the men who felt that i was their right to say/ask/insist upon on unattainable goal and the make us feel badly about it all. The society that buys into it out of fear..of being different, of not being good enough, of needing a set ideal to strive for and to keep them in shame as they cannot reach it.
    The “feminine social imperative” is strong and deep, even as we can see that it has shifted over time.
    What about the skinny woman in Ruebens time? For that matter the poor at all times, who can’t dress “properly”….it goes on and on.
    That idea of anything other than who we are has to die, and then we can step proudly into ourselves.
    Words, you know. Working on it all myself, always have been, with various degrees of success and mostly failure. But knowing that even those who are making these distinctions…fashion/men/photographers, etc, need forgiveness too has helped me. AS I forgive myself, as I love tracks back out the world.
    Metta forgiveness?


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