TDOF–Nov. 13

I’ve decided to forego the introduction to Thirty Days of Forgiveness and cut to the chase for the rest of the practice. If you just got here you can check out the explanation on my Oct. 27th post.

What must die?

A standard of beauty. I mean, really, how have we not figured out that this is an oxymoron? Testing beauty with a system? Measuring beauty against a set of rules? Forcing beauty to be consistent and uniform? Ranking beauty and the people who measure up in order to normalize some and bastardize others? Come on, people. To this day we still hold similar concepts¬†against the Nazis. Remember racial hygiene? How do you think that crap starts? Homogenizing beauty, regimenting it, and declaring those who conform to the standard to be superior–it’s just not that far from applied biology, folks.

If to forgive is to love, am I ready to love?

This also takes some serious deprogramming. The first step is to break the habit of comparison against the imagined standard. To gradually make the standard irrelevant. And I don’t think we get off as easily as we think here. We don’t just get to say, “Well I think he/she/it is beautiful even if you don’t.” That’s still a standard–the my standard. We also don’t get to say, “She/He is beautiful in her/his own way.” Nope. That’s still a standard–the individual standard. This thinking has be completely broken, not just modified. Qualifying beauty has to cease being important. At all.

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What pain must I face?

I bought in with very little convincing. I wished away my beauty in favor of the standard. I fell in line with a world that constantly measures and ranks people with a single glance. In the space of a heartbeat, the practice of comparison honed to expert efficiency. I wasted life on this. Wasted opportunities and connections. Squandered experiences. Planted, watered and fertilized shame over this. Over half my life gone and it’s just now more important to me rewire my brain to the point that beauty is no longer a denominator.

Can I own this publicly?

Yes.

Rumbling on.

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