I’ve decided to forego the introduction to Thirty Days of Forgiveness and cut to the chase for the rest of the practice. If you just got here you can check out the explanation on my Oct. 27th post.
What must die?
11/25: The conclusion that no one knows how this feels. Alternatively, no one understands. You don’t. She doesn’t. He couldn’t possibly.
11/26: The assumption that the harder path is the more noble one; that the harder we have to work for it the more honorable the success.
11/27: The decision that those who haven’t suffered the same pain or struggle are not qualified to provide insights on the pain or the struggle.
If to forgive is to love, am I ready to love?
11/25: Wow, really? Every Earthling on the planet has the same fears, the same doubts, feels the same shame. We all get confused and angry. We all have something to lose. We all fuck up. We all feel regret. We mourn. We hurt. We muck around in self-pity. Everyone does it, all the time, over all the same crap, yet I’m supposed to go on believing that my emotional potholes are truly unique? They are anomalies in the Universe? We are all wired for the exactly the same things yet my experiences are set apart and completely unrelatable by any other person? Geez, where did I get the idea that although I might have been granted the power to share, understand, and relate to any human emotion, no one else on Earth was granted the power to understand mine? Yeah, this dies today.
11/26: Why does it have to be hard? Who made that rule? If I figure out a way to get the same result with less hardship, why the hell shouldn’t I enjoy the result with the same satisfaction as someone who did it the hard way? Has evolution taught us nothing? We get informed choices now, don’t we? The option to innovate or customize doesn’t have to devalue the result. If I don’t want to suffer that much I shouldn’t have to suffer that much. But I assume I can’t earn the same respect without the same suffering. Says who? It isn’t inherently bad to figure out a way that’s better for ME any more than it is inherently good to blindly follow the herd.
11/27: Bullshit. That’s something we tell ourselves so that our perspectives are not threatened by objectivity. Just because someone doesn’t have a dog in the hunt doesn’t mean he doesn’t know dog poop when he steps in it. Real-life experience is invaluable, yes. But flippantly dismissing the contribution of inspired, original, enlightened points of view that might not be clouded by pain and struggle? That’s like smirking at the gifts of the Universe and saying, “No thanks. This asshole doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
What pain must I face?
11/25: Everyone knows how this feels. Everyone understands. We all have far more in common with each other than we are different from each other. Everyone is embarrassed to admit it until they accept it. In the meantime it is not an excuse to self-impose an imaginary exile from the entire human race. Isolation is a choice.
11/26: Elitism takes many disguises. I’ve fallen for nearly all of them. Belonging is the siren’s song that gets me drowned and dashed upon the shoals over and over again. I made the choice to go through hell just to earn a place at the table, to count myself among those who count, so that I have a war story worthy of a listen (by those whose ears I craved). I never bothered to learn the value of choosing what might be better for ME. More importantly, I never valued that choice.
11/27: When the student is ready the teacher appears. How many times have I kicked the teacher in the shins? Thrown rocks? Shoved him/her aside? Ignored him/her? Laughed at the preposterous suggestion that THIS is supposed to be my teacher? Him? Her? How many times did I deny I even needed one? Oh the irony that I’m the one with the witticism that says it isn’t necessary to be perfect vessel in order to be instrument of the Universe; it’s only necessary to be a willing vessel. Point taken.
Can I own this publicly?