I mentioned last week that July’s highlight reel would be short. And it is short. But it is still important to focus on the handful of times we manifest our desires even if it truly is only a handful of times. That’s an important handful. It’s something important to hold and acknowledge.
The self-portrait project now bleeds into its eighth straight month. I finally figured out a better name for those portraits than selfies. You’ve read all about that new name over the last few weeks so I won’t double dip. But it was a win; honoring the work I’ve done all these months with a descriptive that sets it apart from casual selfies. Long live the Tinas.
I continued to say Yes to socializing Myself during the work week, breaking my previous rule about weeknights. Sometimes we have to let go of that iron grip on structure in the interest of making and sustaining connections. Flesh and blood interaction with friends, nurturing each other with our time and attention; this directly affects wellness and people who are well make communities that are well.
The storage room at the Jesus Crack House finally got cleaned, purged, and reorganized. That was huge. The Chef and I are going on nine years since we blended our households. Three times we moved the extra combined stuff and stored it. A million times I said I’d take care of it and I didn’t. We’ve got an empty nest now yet we remain full-up on excuses. This July I finally did it. Is that really such a big wellness deal? A win? This little domestic chore? Depends on how you much you value freedom. Unburdening ourselves of baggage, making our lives lighter, clearing the clutter and making space for what we want and how we truly want to live–it matters. Courtney Carver explains it particularly well here.
How many times per day do I see someone respond to a photo of any given retail item with “OMG, I need this!” Oy, the things we think we need. We acquire them with copious amounts of satisfaction and public posts but no matter how much we store, display and wear these things they are never enough. We accumulate tons of stuff to meet our needs but we always need more, better, fancier, extra, back-up, seasonal, bigger, more trendy, more relevant, etc. Have you noticed that it never occurs to us that if more/better/bigger doesn’t really satisfy us that we aren’t serving the correct need?
I paid off my cardiology bills. The Renaissance Heart beats more peacefully when debts are reduced. Freeing up those funds means I can start working with a physiologist again. Whoo hoo! This time last year I had a lot of running buddies. These days I have no running buddies. It’s probably just as well. The old training formula of grinding out miles until the next injury no longer serves me. Racing week after week, month after month to prove _________ (← insert justification/secondary gain here) isn’t the best choice for me anymore but for years it’s been all I’ve known, what I did, and who I was.
Now I’m like Wheezy in Toy Story 2.
But unlike Wheezy, I not going to sit on the shelf and wait for another toy to get broken. I realize that Wheezy got repaired in the end but I’m not counting on anyone to come rescue me, feel sorry for me, or stumble upon me by accident. I’m making a different choice. For instance, I can pay someone to play with me. (That was a joke.)
All kidding aside, I’ve recalled the exercise physiologist. Those first few weeks working with a pro were fun and informative and helped me begin the process of letting go. It helped me embrace hidden insights and adjust to a new identity as a former athlete. What sucks more than having to say those words (former athlete)? Not much, but working with the physiologist helps it suck less. And now I can afford it. I still value communal sweat and labor even if it is more coach-to-client than buddy-to-buddy. The camaraderie is like a tonic for the demoted athlete’s soul. It’s all too easy to feel damaged and defective by comparison to the rockstar jubilation and girl squad bonding of social media images.
I quit Facebook. Yep. I’m done. I left a note in the one group I thought would care and then hit the cold turkey button. In the final moments before signing off for the last time my biggest gripe was that Facebook has changed the world to the point that most civic organizations and community groups no longer communicate with members any other way. I knew I would be losing access to events, activities, and information that would no longer be available to me without Facebook. In order to be Facebook-free I am relegating myself to being tragically uninformed. And there isn’t really anything I can do about that.
I felt a strong stab of resentment over that fact alone–that cutting the cord to Facebook was essentially cutting the cord to specialty social groups, forcing me to disconnect from their only conduit of information. The more business or groups use Facebook for fast and easy mass messages the less they update websites with the same information. If you aren’t aren’t getting Facebook updates you won’t be in the loop, because time-sensitive information is unlikely to be offered anywhere except Facebook. The more I think about it the more it pisses me off.
But it is done. The world didn’t end. I didn’t implode from lack of constant input. My hundreds of friends didn’t even notice. As far as I know no one got mad or hurt.
I am free. The pressure is off.
Recovery is imminent.
As a result, I’m phasing out use of the screen name I used across all my social media platforms. I haven’t thought of a new nom de plume yet but that gives me my first project for August.