Now here’s an interesting frag:

I’m waiting out a morning rain shower so I can for a run. I guess I’m in flow with the shifting weather patterns.

I’m waiting out the carby breakfast I had while checking the radar. I guess I’m in flow with the process of digestion.

Also while waiting for the skies to clear I planned the dinner menu and scheduled tasks for the coming week. I am in flow with rhythm of work, rest, work, rest.

We ended up with a surplus of potatoes this week. This is a lot of potatoes for two people to eat. I’m not sure what happened. The Chef called it a brain fart while shopping but I’ve always hated that term, mostly because of our discussions about farting in general.

His children were teenagers when we started dating. Many of our first group discussions involved the preoccupations of teenagers, which include farts and poo. It was the contention of my stepchildren-to-be that when people fart they spray tiny poo particles all over the inside of their pants and then wallow in it all day. In open air with no barrier they spray poo particles all over the room or immediate vicinity. Extrapolating further, if the odor can be detected by other humans the airborne poo particles have reached the nostrils of other humans despite the barrier of pants and/or underwear. So farting is basically aerated pooping on a minuscule scale.

I used this argument to my advantage much later when I became their stepmother and instituted a rule that all toilet lids be lowered when not in use, especially before flushing, otherwise the upward spray of toilet water is like peeing or pooping all over the bathroom, including everything in the bathroom. This is a thing. It’s called toilet plume. Also so the cat wouldn’t drink out of the toilet. To this day I remain appalled anytime I am in someone’s home and walk in to find toilet lids left open 24/7. I don’t want to sit in your plume, people. This goes double for the office or public toilets. If the lid is up when you approach (or there is no lid), that seat has been plumed by everyone who flushed before you.

And maybe if you’ve lived this long pressing the back of your thighs onto plumed toilet seats and believe you’ve suffered no ill effects you don’t really care. But keep in mind that poop and pee are not the only things people put in toilets. There’s also blood and vomit and phlegm and other body fluids. And I’m by no means a germ-o-phobe. There is a plethora of human filth to be found in my abode, without a doubt, and which I choose to ignore. Any home with indoor pets is rife with contaminants and I’ve got one of those too. But we all have some thing to which we cling and this is my thing. Put the damn lid down before you flush.

But back to the potatoes. I can’t deal with The Chef’s term brain fart because of the extensive and intensive discussions on poo particles and toilet plume. I take it too literally. I don’t like the visual of shit in the brain or the spray of it from the brain. He means brain hiccup or brain blink or brain cramp; not fart. But due to his brain event while shopping we’ve got a shit-ton of potatoes to eat this week. Every night this week. Seriously, wait ’til you see tomorrow’s meal planning post. I am in flow with our tuber abundance.

— Mercy