Fragmented Truths

I blinked and it was Wednesday. I’m not a fan of complaining about how busy I am. By not a fan I mean I hate it. I don’t like doing it. I really don’t like listening to it. My long-time readers have heard me preach many sermons on this topic. “I don’t have time for _______, ” is a lie we tell ourselves. I despise lying to myself. It causes me to lie to others and that’s not how I want to feel in my relationships; like a liar. When we aren’t lying about our time we are bragging about it with statements about our busyness. Too busy, so busy, swamped, slammed; it is all either a lie or a boast. None of it supports wellness.

And before you blow the whistle and stomp your foot and tell me it’s truly true that you really are so busy, too busy, etc., and then itch to detail all your busyness, this is where the bullshit gets extra stinky. People who are too busy for wellness magically find time to defend and argue and perpetuate their busyness. We are busy because we want to be, plain and simple. We prioritize what we want. We lie about the rest. If wellness isn’t part of your life it’s because it’s not important enough (to you) to be part of your life. All the stuff that takes up your time is more important.

I learned this the hard way. I continue learning this lesson. I catch myself all the time with one of those lies ready to slide forward instead of the truth.

Lie:  I’ve been so busy for the last two days I haven’t had time to write about my Frags of the Day.  Lie, lie, lie; I had plenty of time. I have exactly the same amount of hours to use each day. I am in charge of how I fill those hours.

Truth:  I prioritized other activities and used my time for other things instead of blogging. This is not necessarily bad. The things I did instead were good things but saying I didn’t have time is a lie. If I spent my blogging time on other wellness practices, all the better, but it is not the truth to blame busyness or lack of time. I made choices.

Monday’s Frag:

My faith in truth-telling is bright. It’s the closest thing to religion I have. I want to live in truth. I want the relief of being truthful all the time, with everyone, in all situations. I want to be at ease. I don’t want the burden of covering the truth or distorting it or soul-suck of sustaining all of those lies. I want my truth to matter more than whatever lie I want you believe about me. The alternative is exhausting and it breeds unwellness. It’s not easy to break the habit of telling lies. It’s infuriating when I catch myself after the fact; when a lie came out automatically because I programmed myself to lie about something. It’s scary to tell the truth when we suspect it will bring disapproval or rejection. It’s WORK to be truthful all the time. It’s still better. In this my faith is bright.

It isn’t that I didn’t have time to blog over the last two days. It’s that I pushed it to a differently morning in which I could do it more comfortably. I can always adjust my schedule but I have to let go of the idea that it must all look a certain way or function a certain way or be uniform from week to week or from day to day. Rigidity in scheduling leads to stress. Flexibility in scheduling leads to flow and ease. Look, I’m blogging. It got done. It’s all good. The world didn’t end because I did on Wednesday instead of Monday and Tuesday. No penalty.

Reconciled to my truth. Acting on behalf of my truth. Aware of my tendencies, habits, and latent patterns. Knowledgeable of my desires and preferred values. Making the next better choice. Taking the next opportunity to tell the truth. Doing the next right thing. Predicting that I won’t nail it every time. I’ll forget or falter or fail to catch myself in time. Notice and realign each time. Commit again until it’s normal and natural.

It’s a practice.

— Mercy

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