It’s a word that makes one immediately cognizant of the preceding condition. In order for unleashed to be relevant we consider the subject was first leashed. If I want to think about being unleashed I first acknowledge that I was leashed. I usually then question the how and why and if I even knew it. If I want to unleash something I do the same, asking why I was holding back this thing that is now off the leash. I suppose that little un prefix makes the word dependent. And my mind analytical.

Yesterday I unleashed some creativity and worked with double exposures. The grounds of the estate are blooming. I am also in bloom. Saying so implies that I was previously dormant. My creativity was leashed. Who leashes her creativity? And why? In this case, I think it was an accident. It was a side effect of some other treatment. That happens sometimes. The notion of intentionally clamping down my creativity stirs up instant rebellion, but realizing later that efforts to treat some other aspect of wellness might have compromised creativity? That’s an unforeseen consequence of a choice with good intentions — one of several — and I don’t flagellate myself for those.

Instead I celebrate that I now know and I correct the situation. Then I celebrate the release.

It’s a stirring feeling. It’s also a little frightening to consider how powerful we are in our inner manipulations of ourselves. What we allow and disallow. What we shut down or release. The fact that we can. Capable of such fearsome restraint. Capable of such stunning discharge. The fact that we sometimes do it without realizing it. And then, the fact that when we hone these skills we are godlike in the shaping and reshaping of our Selves. It’s delicious and humbling at once. To be humbled by our own power is a sign that we’ve allowed recognition of our own power. Imagine letting go of that leash and being all-powerful.

And being aware of it.

(shiver)

— Mercy