Eleventh Hour Tolls For Me

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I’m trying to decide whether or not to keep this blog. Counting this one I wrote five posts the entire year of 2022. Five posts. The domain and annual subscription is up for renewal this month and I wrote five posts. My most quiet year to date. Why keep the space? Why keep paying for it? At a pace of five posts per year can I even call myself a writer anymore? How much writing qualifies one to continue calling herself a writer? This doesn’t feel like enough. Why don’t I write anymore?

As I sit here staring at those questions I realize I could fill up a post answering each of them individually or I could answer them all at once with one intention. I could just decide today — right now — that I do write. I wouldn’t have to answer why not if I just decide that now I do. I don’t have to answer how much writing qualifies a writer if I just write. I wouldn’t have to justify keeping this space or paying for it because it would obviously be for writing. The only reason I ever wrote was because it served me as a wellness practice. That’s still the only reason.

At a pace of five posts a year I’ve surely lost my former audience, which was tiny anyway. Since I’m not selling anything or using this as a promotional space I’m not likely to gain any new readers, so . . . good thing it was never about an audience. I took a look back through the archives of my old posts from more vocal years and damn, I do miss this. I’m glad I didn’t shut it completely down when I ran out of words or motivation or energy or whatever it was that eked away. Those words that once gave me such joy and fulfillment wouldn’t be here to inspire me anew had I blipped them into oblivion.

So here we are staring down 2023 and I’m still a writer. Still a poet. Still a wellness advocate. Viable voice. Whole heart. Fertile fingers. Brimming brain. It doesn’t matter why I went silent. It’s fine. I’m still here and still willing. If there is anything I’ve learned over the years, it is the magic of being a willing vessel. We need not be polished or profound, or in this case, have good attendance. All we really need to be is willing.

If you’re still here — hello again. Eleventh hour blogging begins now.

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